Moving on

I used to be a very negative person. I would hold on to grudges like they were the last turkey in the store on Christmas Eve. I wouldn’t let go, I couldn’t let go. I would hold on to the negativity to my detriment. For a while I think I was quite bitter. I was angry at the world. I could play it off as teenage angst, not that I was particularly moody and I wasn’t really badly behaved. I was just angry and confused by the world. I couldn’t accept my life and I took it out on the world in my own way, by being negative, silently hating everything.

My biggest issue was holding on to things, grudges, grievances and insecurities. I defined myself by things that made me unhappy. Somewhere along the line my attitude changed. I started to move on, forgive people and try not to let little dramas ruin my life.

I’m not saying positivity will cure all ills, or will make you feel completely better. It won’t, but it helps. There are still people that have hurt me or betrayed my trust and I won’t ever forget that, but I’ve forgiven them. I’ve let go of the pain, the anger and the self-destruction it caused.

I believe in second chances, but not chance after chance after chance. It’s naïve to think that someone who causes upset repeatedly, will suddenly change. I’m not afraid to cut negative people out of my life, but I’ve forgiven them. Holding on to all that pain isn’t good for anyone. It didn’t make the situation better. It didn’t change what had happened. It didn’t stop the hurt. Letting go and moving on was freeing. I could get on with my life.

Sometimes moving on involves taking action. I recently tried to reconcile with someone that I fell out with years ago. It was something that always bothered me. I would dream about it. My subconscious told me something wasn’t finished. Even if I thought I’d moved on I clearly hadn’t.

It didn’t go well, she blocked my message without responding, which I felt was a shame. But by reaching out even though it got rejected, helped me move on. I did my bit to sort it out. I forgive her for all she did to me, I forgive myself for not trying harder and now that chapter of my life is complete. I can move on now knowing that I tried. I gave the olive branch and if she didn’t want to take it, that’s her prerogative. I thought I’d feel angry and upset that things hadn’t gone how I’d hoped or planned and a couple of years ago that’s exactly how I would have felt. Now I feel at peace with it. I tried, I did my bit and it’s time to move on. The past is the past, so it’s time for me to get past it.

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